Self-Compassion in Daily Life: Practical Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself
One of the most common things I hear in the therapy room is some version of, “I know I wouldn’t talk to a friend this way, but this is how I talk to myself.”
Maybe you recognize yourself here. Many of the clients I work with are deeply compassionate toward others, yet speak to themselves with a level of harshness they would never offer anyone else.
When clients begin practicing self-compassion, something shifts. They do not become less accountable. They become more honest, more resilient, and more able to make meaningful change because they are no longer operating from shame.
So many of us were taught how to achieve, care for others, be productive, and push through. Very few of us were taught how to be kind to ourselves when we are struggling. Practicing self-compassion is the practice of relating to yourself with the same care, patience, and understanding that you would offer to someone you love. It is choosing kindness over harshness when you are hurting.
The Three Core Elements of Self-Compassion:
Dr. Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as having three main parts:
Self-Kindness
Speaking to yourself in a supportive and gentle way, especially when you make a mistake or feel inadequate. Instead of “I’m such a failure,” try, “This is really hard right now. I’m doing the best I can.”
Common Humanity
Remembering that suffering, imperfection, and struggle are part of being human, not a personal flaw. You are not the only one who feels this way, and you are not alone.
Mindfulness
Noticing your pain without ignoring it or getting overwhelmed by it. Mindful awareness allows us to see thoughts and emotions in the present moment without judging, avoiding, or repressing them.
What Self-Compassion Looks Like in Real Life
Self- compassion is not just a mindset- it’s a set of small, daily choices.
It might look like:
Taking a break when your body is exhausted instead of pushing through
Speaking to yourself with encouragement rather than criticism
Letting yourself feel emotions without judgement
Setting boundaries even when it’s uncomfortable
Allowing rest without needing to “earn” it
Responding to mistakes with curiosity rather than shame
Sometimes, self-compassion is very practical: eating a meal, going to bed earlier, asking for help, or stepping away from something that feels overwhelming. These moments are small, but they are nervous system care.
Small Ways to Practice Self-Compassion Today
Pause and notice your self-talk
Place a hand on your chest and slow your breath
Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”
These micro-practices help develop self-compassion skills and build habits that support emotional resilience.
A Gentle Place to Start
The next time you are struggling, try asking:
“If someone I loved felt this way, how would I respond to them?” Then offer a small piece of that response to yourself.
Learning self-compassion often happens slowly, with support and practice. Therapy can be a space where we gently explore this together. Many people seek therapy in Ferndale, MI for anxiety, perfectionism, or harsh self-criticism, and developing self-compassion skills is often a powerful part of that process.
If you are ready to begin, Middle Way Wellness offers a safe, supportive space to practice self-compassion in real time.
Sources
This article is informed by the self-compassion framework developed by Kristin Neff, which highlights mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness as core components of self-compassion. If you would like to explore this work more deeply, her book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself is a supportive and accessible place to begin.