Gentle Alternatives to New Year’s Resolutions from a Therapist
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of “New Year, New Me,” you’re definitely not alone. Every January, we’re surrounded by messages telling us we should be fixing ourselves by eating better, doing more, being more disciplined, more productive, more everything. While some people find New Year's resolutions motivating, many of us end up feeling discouraged when our goals start to feel rigid or unrealistic.
I know I’ve had my own complicated relationship with resolutions. In the past, I have set all-or-nothing goals that were too big, believing that if I just tried harder or stayed more disciplined, everything would fall into place. But more often than not, those rigid expectations left me feeling burned out, guilty, or like I had somehow failed when life inevitably got in the way.
As a mental health provider, I see this pattern often. When goals are too rigid, people tend to experience increased shame, guilt, and self-criticism. When life doesn’t cooperate, as it rarely does, those goals can quickly turn into evidence that we’re “not doing enough.”
Self-compassion offers a different path. When we treat ourselves with kindness instead of criticism, we’re more likely to keep going even when things feel hard. Instead of asking, “why can’t I stick to this?” consider asking, “What do I need right now?”
Over time, both personally and professionally, I’ve learned that meaningful change doesn’t come from pressure, but from compassion. This year, instead of setting strict goals, I’m focusing on intentions: how I want to feel, how I want to care for myself, and what supports my nervous system.
There’s more than one way to approach change in the New Year, and the best way is the one that works for you. If you’re hoping to feel happier or healthier in the months ahead, consider choosing a gentler alternative to the traditional resolution.
Some things to consider when choosing a goal:
What actually matters to you?
Reflecting on the past year can help clarify what truly matters to you. Identifying the deeper, emotional reasons for your goals can help them feel more meaningful and easier to return to when challenges arise.
What is your intention?
Instead of focusing on what you want to achieve, reflect on how you want to feel- more present, more connected, more grounded. Define your intention and let that feeling guide your choices.
What feels realistic for you right now?
Avoid overwhelming yourself with too many changes at once. Consider focusing on one or two manageable goals and breaking them down into small, actionable steps.
Does this goal bring you joy?
Try choosing something that genuinely interests or supports you, rather than something you feel like you should be doing.
Here are a few gentle alternatives to traditional resolutions:
Choose a word of the year: select a word or phrase that could guide your focus and attitude, such as connection, growth, or slowing down
Identify a personal motto: for example, “progress over perfection” or “slow and steady wins the race.”
Focus on micro-habits: Small, easy to maintain actions like drinking a glass of water before having coffee or taking a 10 minute walk or meditation break each day.
Create a “to-don’t list”: Identify things you can stop doing to protect your time, energy, and boundaries.
Make a menu of options for the new year: Create a flexible list of things you might like to explore this year, with the intention that not everything will be completed or “ordered.”
Sometimes, the most meaningful changes happen when we slow down and listen to what we truly need. Gentle, intentional shifts can create space for change without adding pressure or overwhelm.
If you’re feeling unsure about what you need this season, or finding it hard to gain clarity on your own, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Therapy can provide a supportive space to explore your goals, reconnect with yourself, and move forward at a pace that feels right for you.
If you’re curious about working with a therapist, you can learn more about our individual therapy offerings at Middle Way Wellness in Ferndale here.