How to Manage your Anxiety & Anxious Attachment in Relationships
If you’ve ever found yourself overthinking your partner’s text response time, replaying a conversation in your head a hundred times, or feeling unsettled when communication feels “off,” you’re not alone. Relationship anxiety is incredibly common, but it can also feel overwhelming if you don’t know how to manage it.
The good news? Anxiety doesn’t have to run the show. With a little self-awareness and a few practical tools, you can calm your mind, communicate better, and feel more secure in your relationship. Here are some ways to start:
Notice the Pattern
Sometimes anxiety sneaks in under the radar. You might pick a fight, get upset, and afterward think, Wait… how did we even get here?
The trick is to slow down and notice your patterns. Ask yourself questions like:
Do I get more anxious when my partner doesn’t text back right away?
Do I start spiraling when communication feels vague?
Does time apart make me uneasy?
Once you spot the patterns, you can start labeling them as anxiety instead of letting them push you into unnecessary arguments.
Hit Pause Before Reacting
When anxiety flares up, it’s tempting to fire off a text or jump straight into a confrontation. But often, the best thing you can do is pause.
Take a few minutes to soothe yourself before responding. Some quick tools to try:
Box breathing - Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4
Body scan meditation - Notice where you’re holding tension and gently release it
Go for a walk - Fresh air + movement = calmer mind
Giving yourself space helps you come back to the situation with a clearer head.
Thoughts are Not Facts
Anxiety loves to whisper worst-case scenarios: They must be mad at me. They’re pulling away. Something’s wrong.
But just because a thought pops up doesn’t make it true. When you catch yourself spiraling, try asking:
“Is there actual evidence for this, or is my anxiety filling in the blanks?”
It’s not about shutting your thoughts down, but gently questioning them so they don’t run wild.
Talk About It (The Right Way)
Communication is where a lot of relationship anxiety either gets worse… or gets better.
The key is how you bring it up.
Instead of: “You never text me. You’re obviously avoiding me.”
Try: “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you. Can we figure out a way to check in during the day?”
Using “I feel” statements takes the blame off your partner and opens the door to problem-solving together.
Create Boundaries You Can Lean On
Boundaries aren’t walls - they’re more like guide rails that keep the relationship steady when anxiety shows up.
Examples could be:
Agreeing on certain times you’ll check in with each other
Setting aside distraction-free time together
Respecting each other’s need for solo downtime
When you’ve got clear boundaries in place, you have something solid to come back to when your anxious brain starts spinning.
Get Support If You Need It
Sometimes, relationship anxiety feels too heavy to manage on your own. That’s where individual therapy and/or couples therapy can help.
A therapist can give you and your partner tools to communicate better, break unhealthy patterns, and build a stronger sense of connection.
Check out our therapists who offer individual and couples therapy options at Middle Way Wellness.
