How to Know If Couples Therapy Is Right for You: 7 Signs It Might Help
There's a version of couples therapy that lives in most people's heads: two people on a couch, a box of tissues on the table, one partner saying something devastating and the other looking wounded. A last-ditch effort before someone files paperwork.
That version isn't wrong, exactly. Couples therapy can absolutely help in a crisis. But it's also one of the most limiting ideas about what this work actually is, and who it's for.
At Middle Way Wellness, some of the couples who get the most out of therapy are the ones who weren't sure they needed it. They came in curious, a little uncertain, maybe slightly embarrassed, and left with tools, clarity, and a shared language they didn't have before.
So if you've been wondering whether couples therapy might be worth trying, this is for you.
First: You Don't Have to Be in Crisis
One of the things we say often at Middle Way Wellness is this: you don't have to be in crisis to come to couples therapy.
You just have to be willing.
The couples who tend to get the most out of this work are the ones who come before things feel dire. Before the resentment has compounded. Before the distance has calcified into something harder to reach across. Gottman's research actually supports this: couples who engage in therapy earlier, when the foundation is still intact, tend to make faster and more durable progress than those who wait until they're in genuine crisis.
If something is stirring in your relationship and you're wondering if this might help, that wondering is worth paying attention to.
With that in mind, here are seven signs couples therapy at Middle Way Wellness might be a good fit for where you are.
1. You Keep Having the Same Fight
Not similar fights. The same one. Different day, different surface-level topic, same underlying dynamic. One of you brings something up, the other gets defensive, someone shuts down, and eventually you move on without anything actually changing.
Gottman's research found that approximately 69% of relationship conflict is what he calls "perpetual problems," disagreements that are rooted in fundamental differences in personality, values, or needs. These aren't problems that can be solved in the traditional sense. But they can be navigated with skill, and without the spin cycle.
Couples therapy gives you a map for what's actually happening beneath the content of your arguments. Once you understand the pattern, you can start to interrupt it.
2. There's More Distance Than There Used to Be
It doesn't always look like conflict. Sometimes it looks like two people going through the motions: parallel lives, surface-level conversations, not fighting but not really connecting either. You're roommates who happen to love each other, or used to feel that way.
This kind of drift is incredibly common, and incredibly easy to ignore until it has been going on for a long time. Life gets full. Jobs, kids, caregiving, logistics. The relationship gets managed instead of tended to.
If you've noticed that something has quietly changed, that you're less curious about each other, less playful, less likely to reach toward each other during hard moments, that's a meaningful signal. It doesn't mean something is broken. It means something needs attention.
3. A Specific Thing Happened and You're Not Sure How to Move Through It
Sometimes couples come to therapy not because of a long-standing pattern but because of a specific event: a breach of trust, a loss, a major life transition that put the relationship under unexpected pressure. A miscarriage. A job loss. An affair. A move. The arrival of a child.
Acute stress has a way of revealing the places where a relationship's communication and coping strategies aren't quite enough. That's not a failure. It's information.
Focused, short-term couples therapy is well-suited for this kind of work. You don't need to overhaul everything. You need tools and support to move through a specific hard moment without it becoming a defining one.
4. You Love Each Other But Can't Seem to Talk Without It Going Sideways
You care about this person. That's not the question. The question is why every hard conversation seems to spiral, or why there are certain topics you've both silently agreed to avoid, or why one of you always seems to shut down right when the other most needs to connect.
Communication in relationships is a skill. Not an innate one, and not one most of us were explicitly taught. The Gottman Method gives couples concrete, research-backed tools for starting hard conversations differently, for de-escalating before things go sideways, and for making repair attempts that actually land.
Most couples who do this work are surprised to discover that the issue isn't what they're talking about. It's how they're entering the conversation.
5. You're Preparing for Something Big
Couples therapy isn't only for repair. It's also for preparation.
If you're engaged or newly committed and want to build a strong foundation before life gets complicated, premarital counseling is one of the highest-return investments you can make in a relationship. Research consistently shows that couples who invest in premarital work have better long-term relationship outcomes than those who don't.
The same applies to couples navigating a major transition: becoming parents, blending families, caring for aging parents, retiring together, relocating. Big transitions put stress on even healthy relationships, not because something is wrong but because growth is inherently disorienting.
Coming to therapy proactively, before the cracks appear, is one of the most thoughtful things you can do for a relationship you want to last.
6. You've Been Thinking About It for a While
If you're honest, this isn't the first time this thought has crossed your mind.
You've mentioned it to your partner and the conversation went sideways. Or you haven't mentioned it because you're not sure how they'd receive it. Or you've looked up therapists before and then closed the tab.
That recurring thought is worth taking seriously. It's usually not anxiety. It's clarity trying to make itself heard.
One of the easiest ways to take a first step without it feeling like a big commitment is our Couples Communication Workshop: a single two-hour session, one couple, one Gottman-trained therapist, practical tools you can use the same day. Many couples use the workshop as a starting point to see what working with a therapist feels like before committing to an ongoing program.
7. Things Are Actually Pretty Good, and You Want to Keep Them That Way
This one surprises people the most.
Some of the couples we work with are not struggling in any acute way. They are, by most measures, doing well. They communicate reasonably well, they still like each other, they're building a life they're both proud of. They come to therapy because they want to be intentional about keeping it that way.
Preventive maintenance is not a concept most people apply to relationships, but it's one of the most effective ones. The skills you build in couples therapy, knowing your conflict patterns, understanding each other's attachment needs, building a practice of appreciation and repair, don't just help you through the hard seasons. They deepen connection during the good ones.
What Couples Therapy at Middle Way Wellness Actually Looks Like
We offer several different entry points depending on where you are and what you're looking for.
The Couples Communication Workshop is a single two-hour private session grounded in the Gottman Method's Conflict Blueprint. It's designed for couples who want to start somewhere without a long-term commitment. You'll leave with a shared framework, practiced skills, and real tools to use right away. Available in-person in Ferndale or virtually for couples anywhere in Michigan. Introductory price $299 (regularly $350).
Short-Term Couples Therapy is a focused program, typically 4 to 6 sessions spaced 1 to 2 weeks apart, built around a specific goal or challenge. A good fit if you have something particular to work through and want practical, structured support.
Long-Term Couples Therapy is weekly work for couples navigating deeper disconnection, significant trust ruptures, or long-standing patterns that need more time and space to shift.
Premarital Counseling is for couples who are engaged or newly committed and want to build a strong foundation before life gets complicated. Typically 4 to 6 sessions at your own pace.
All couples programs are private pay. HSA and FSA funds may be accepted- check with your plan.
Meet Your Therapist
Courtney Sommers, LLPC
Courtney is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor with Gottman Level 2 training in couples therapy. She works with individuals and couples in-person in Ferndale and virtually throughout Michigan, with daytime and virtual appointments available.
With couples, Courtney holds space for both the challenge and the connection: the old wounds that surface in partnerships, the unspoken needs that accumulate over time, and the genuine intimacy that becomes possible when two people feel safe enough to be honest with each other.
MA, Clinical Mental Health Counseling, Oakland University | BS, Brain and Behavioral Sciences, Purdue University | Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Level 2 | Supervised by Jennifer Korenchuk, LPC, PhD
You Don't Have to Have It All Figured Out First
If you've read this far and at least one of these signs felt familiar, that's enough reason to reach out.
Your free 15-minute consultation is a no-pressure conversation to see if we're the right fit. There's no commitment, no paperwork, no pressure. Just a chance to ask questions and get a sense of whether this feels like the right next step.
Book a free 15-minute consultation
Middle Way Wellness is located at 359 Livernois #202, Ferndale, MI. We offer couples therapy in-person and virtually throughout Michigan, serving Ferndale, Royal Oak, Berkley, Birmingham, Oak Park, Hazel Park, Troy, Detroit, and beyond.
Sources
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishers.
Gottman Institute. (n.d.). Managing conflict: Solvable vs. perpetual problems. https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-conflict-solvable-vs-perpetual-problems/
Rhoades, G. K., & Stanley, S. M. (2014). Before "I Do": What do premarital experiences have to do with marital quality among today's young adults? National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. https://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/NMP-BeforeIDoReport-Final.pdf
